Somebody Tell The Killers They're Dead

Has any band ever musically collapsed as bad as The Killers did?

I interupt your day to bring you an angry tirade against one of my former favorite bands.

The Killers.

Let's give this a run-through chronologically.

We can call it, "The Mysterious Collapse Of A Possibly Awesome Genre"

Let's just say Hot Fuss was an awesome album, combining synthesized elements and an original sound just right for radio, yet not too soft for the indie crowd.

It was the perfect mix of originality, a new and fresh sound unheard of before. From "Jenny Was A Friend Of Mine" all the way to the three Euro-release tracks "Indie Rock 'n Roll," "Ballad Of Michael Valentine," and "Under The Gun," Hot Fuss had it.

Yes, it had it.

"Somebody Told Me" has become a thing of club music lore, routinely synthesized and blasted to make people sing along to that boyfriend who looked like a girlfriend that he had in February of last year.

I thought The Killers were the godfathers of a new sound; the best thing to happen since Perry Farrell and Dave Navarro decided to form the greatness of Jane's Addiction which opened the door for the all-known grunge scene.

And, of course, "Mr. Brightside" was the flagship song, if only it weren't overblown by the radio masses. But then again, that's what they do.

Big expectations came with anticipation of Sam's Town, an album that had my name (!) and the opening single, "When You Were Young," instantly my favorite song when I first got ears to it.

And then something happened -- it sucked.

Just a horrid mish-mash of songs that refused to flow and provide decent rhythm, the only scraps of songs I can take from Sam's Town are "WYWY" and "Uncle Jonny" and maybe, but only maybe and if I'm in a good mood can I appreciate "Read My Mind."

Other than that, just complete bullshit of an album.

I was hurt (which I shouldn't have been since it's just a fucking CD), but I still held faith that The Killers would know that they just produced a bullshit album and redeem themselves in the form of a comeback album.

I mean, all the greats had a shitty album at one point.

The Rolling Stones's Dirty Work, Led Zeppelin's Presence, and Pink Floyd's The Final Cut have been forgotten and written off as mulligans, so I expected retaliation from Brandon Flowers and crew.

And then it never came.

They released some crappy EP/LP album called Sawdust that nobody even knows about before finally dusting off their instruments to make a real album called Day & Age, which sounded like it could be transcendant.

Maybe Flowers will put the pieces back together, get back to original rhythms to go with his sharp voice, and get back to making good music.

Headed by a campaign that included a Saturday Night Live appearance and a pretty good single called "Human," the pieces were in place.

But it was terrible. Another collaboration of crap that never gets off the ground, it didn't even sell 800,000 copies.

BUT, it did win Best Album Cover of 2008 by Rolling Stone Magazine!

From the greatness and originality of Hot Fuss, The Killers never got back to the sound that made them the most original band of the mid-aughts. It simply didn't happen, and this is where they are now.

Being bashed in a personal blog by me, who used to be their biggest fan.

I loved them When I Was Young, but in this Day & Age, The Killers have fittingly become nothing more than the Sawdust they wanted the people to know about.

How fitting that The Killers killed themselves.

***

I'm tired of ranting about them, let me just watch a video of when they were good. Maybe it will bring me back, or not.

The Return Of The Natural

Believe this -- Hambone is back.

Sssshhhhh...

Don't look now, but Josh Hamilton is back.

.313/.367/.577, 15 HR, 47 RBI should put anybody at the top of All-Star voting, and Hamilton is out to prove that he is in fact, worthy of it.

Yes, he got out to a rough start, one that made me worry that he would never revert to his 2008 ways, in which he became bigger than the game of baseball itself.

The pessimists came out in droves, worrying that 2008 was a fluke. While the 72 RBI's in 67 games may be unattainable again, the fact of the matter is simple. Stop worrying, he's back.

The man has been completely raking the ball since mid-May, and after ditching his "toe-tap" timing mechanism, has found that beautiful swing that made him the No. 1 draft pick in 1999.

He's hitting .412/.444/.863 in June, and he doesn't even hit third. He doesn't even hit cleanup.

The Rangers are two games ahead of the Angels (always awesome to see) and Josh Hamilton hits fifth in a lineup that still lacks it's other Home Run Derby finalist, Nelson Cruz.

Once Nelson comes back and Smoak's line drives stop getting robbed, this lineup gives me the chills with thoughts of returning to 2008 form, the year they scored a franchise-record 901 runs.

Combine that offensive production with a rotation not spear-headed by 5.00-ERA's and you're starting to see how this team can be scary good.

In fact, go ahead and check them out now, because scary good is becoming more and more of a reality.

*******************

This is so much more enjoyable in Spanish. Well, it's always enjoyable when a non-Yankee's name is chanted in Yankee Stadium. Beautiful.

Exposing Stephen Strasburg's Secret To The World

This man is not a real person.

7/4/2/2/0/14

I'm convinced.

Convinced that Stephen Strasburg is not a real person.

Instead, S. Strasburg is a video game character transposed into real life. Seriously, the guy is a 99 rating in true human form. Whoever is wielding the controller knows what they're doing, or at the very least, simply created his player and boosted every stat to the max. Well, they may have been lenient in his hitting characteristics, but the following is my idea of Stephen Strasburg's attributes.

Stephen Strasburg

99 Fastball Velocity

99 Fastball Movement

99 Fastball Command

99 Curveball Velocity

99 Curveball Movement

99 Curveball Command

99 Changeup Velocity (doesn't mean 99 mph. Same with curveball)

99 Changeup Movement

99 Changeup Command

99 Pitching Clutch

99 Hits/9

99 HR/9

99 SO/9

99 BB/9

No joke, the man is legitimately playing with an unfair advantage. What he did against the Pittsburgh Pirates last night was the most transcendent moment in recent baseball history. Never has a single player created this much buzz, simply because he really is the best pitcher in the game of baseball.

I know many will think that I'm jumping the gun on this after one start, but watching only the first inning of that start showed me that if he doesn't get marred by injuries throughout his career (which with his fluid delivery shouldn't happen) he will go down as the greatest pitcher of all-time.

At this point, anything less would be a disappointment, right?

So congratulations Nationals, your two sorry years of baseball have landed you the two most phenomenal baseball players of our generation with him and newly drafted Bryce Harper.

Enjoy them, because every time you come into town, ticket sales will go through the roof while the other team spitefully looks on from the other dugout.

I hope you're ready Nationals, because every team in baseball will be gunning for your head. I just don't think they'll succeed.

-- Sam Morton

Does anyone think God smokes weed? These guys do.