This man is not a real person.
7/4/2/2/0/14
Convinced that Stephen Strasburg is not a real person.
Instead, S. Strasburg is a video game character transposed into real life. Seriously, the guy is a 99 rating in true human form. Whoever is wielding the controller knows what they're doing, or at the very least, simply created his player and boosted every stat to the max. Well, they may have been lenient in his hitting characteristics, but the following is my idea of Stephen Strasburg's attributes.
Stephen Strasburg
99 Fastball Velocity
99 Fastball Movement
99 Fastball Command
99 Curveball Velocity
99 Curveball Movement
99 Curveball Command
99 Changeup Velocity (doesn't mean 99 mph. Same with curveball)
99 Changeup Movement
99 Changeup Command
99 Pitching Clutch
99 Hits/9
99 HR/9
99 SO/9
99 BB/9
No joke, the man is legitimately playing with an unfair advantage. What he did against the Pittsburgh Pirates last night was the most transcendent moment in recent baseball history. Never has a single player created this much buzz, simply because he really is the best pitcher in the game of baseball.
I know many will think that I'm jumping the gun on this after one start, but watching only the first inning of that start showed me that if he doesn't get marred by injuries throughout his career (which with his fluid delivery shouldn't happen) he will go down as the greatest pitcher of all-time.
At this point, anything less would be a disappointment, right?
So congratulations Nationals, your two sorry years of baseball have landed you the two most phenomenal baseball players of our generation with him and newly drafted Bryce Harper.
Enjoy them, because every time you come into town, ticket sales will go through the roof while the other team spitefully looks on from the other dugout.
I hope you're ready Nationals, because every team in baseball will be gunning for your head. I just don't think they'll succeed.
-- Sam Morton
Does anyone think God smokes weed? These guys do.
No comments:
Post a Comment